The Birkie!

I will be completely honest in that one of my goals in the past few years has been to be racing fast enough that I am conveniently in Europe during the American Birkebeiner, a 50k skate marathon in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin. This year I was not so lucky. Not making the Olympic team meant I really had no reason not to do the Birkie.  I can't imagine a race that suits my strengths worse than a 50k skate. And to add to the negatives, it snowed about two feet two nights before the race and the projected highs were in the single digits with windchill around -15. Needless to say, I didn't have a whole lot of expectations for the race. In fact, I would go as far as saying I was purely terrified about what this race would do to me and if I would make it to the finish in one piece.

Back up a bit, I was lucky enough to be able to stay in my friend Annie Hart's family's cabin right in Cable, Wisconsin. It was a perfect little place and with the frigid temps, I couldn't help but imagine how amazing this place on a lake must be come the summer months. The events start out with Elite Sprints on Main Street. The sprints are only about 400 meters long, 200 meters down the street, around a pole and back up. We raced head to head with the loser going home and the winner moving on in the bracket. It was a really fun event and required a lot of finding a way to stay on your feet through soft and
squirely snow. I found myself in final against the Russian that beat me at US Nationals. Unfortunately for me, I got the "bad" lane that had all the foot traffic and slow snow and I was unable to overcome that, placing 2nd overall. I was pretty happy though because I would consider really short sprints a severe weakness of mine.

Winner Natalya and I 

Sprint Podium

We only had a day to really check out the trail due to the large snow storm that hit. Not wanting to tire ourselves out, we skied the first half of the course. I was planning to ski the last 10 or so kilometers the next day but the snow proved too much to even ski through, meaning I would be skiing the entire second half of the race blind...good thing it's a mass start!

Going for a ski with Rossignol!

The amazing part about the Birkie is that while I am dreading it, there are 10,000 others who are flying in from all over and are ecstatic about this race, it is their whole life. I have never seen anything quite like it. I am thankful I got to ski first in the Elite wave and didn't have to deal with passing some 10,000 others out there on the trail. I also got to pick one of 500 some porti-potties before the race before the hoards of people arrived. It's the small perks of being an elite racer! I am also glad to see so many people excited about the sport I love.

The start of wave 3 of 10, yikes so maybe skiers!

Being as scared as I was proved, I think, an asset in the end. I was over prepared for everything. I had toe warmers, boots covers, body warmers, lots of long underwear, lots of PowerGels, and a drink belt to carry my own drink. I am thankful for everything I wore and brought with me. I think I was probably one of few girls who didn't get really cold out there and I never bonked! 

The first 5 or 10k, I found myself uneasy about the pace, unsure of when to feed and just still a little nervous about the whole endeavor. Eventually, I was able to to relax and even enjoy myself out there, rocketing past people on my very fast skis. I made a point to stay in the top 5 the whole time to be ready for anything and to be able to watch the best and do as they do. The snow was unbelievably slow, getting any glide took a lot of power and energy and I felt that sitting towards the front was less energy due to the accordion effect on all the undulations in the trail. 

Just after half way, the elite boys pack passed us, something I was not expecting. It was whirlwind of commotion and equipment banging as the hard charging boys rushed passed. Unsure of how the girls would react, I found myself caught between trying to find the girls in the pack and eyeing which boys were having a good one. Somehow in all the chaos, eventual winner Caitlin Gregg got away. The rest of us regrouped and set out again, probably a little hopeful we might see her again. At this point I was skiing blind, so I was not about to go out on my own so I just continued to sit in and see how my body would fare as I skied past the 30k mark, marking the longest race I had ever skied prior to that day. 

I knew there was a lake at the end, but it just wasn't coming soon enough, it felt like we just kept climbing and climbing. Eventually, the Italian (who ended up 2nd) and the Finn got away on the back of a small group of boys. I was stuck in the back of the pack, unable to respond and unsure if I could. I started to feel weird cramps in my tricep and hip flexor. I could feel we were near the lake though and suddenly if felt as if the girls in front of my just stopped so I went to the side and just started to go with every bit I had left. I passed two girls and caught the Finn right as we entered. She was not very happy about that and pushed me into the lead. The lake is the last place you want to lead with a solid head wind and slow, wind blown snow. Unsure of what else to do at that point I decided to just focus on what I could, my own skiing. Thinking about my technique, skiing big and powerfully, I trudged on through the wind. When I got to the end of the lake, I peeked back and saw I had dropped the Finn so I did whatever I could to make it through the streets of Hayward and across the finish line in 3rd place. While 3rd is far from winning, I was so happy to not have only skied 50k, but to have surpassed all expectations for myself. Dazed and happy, I was captured by the doping control officer to give a sample and the poor lady had to listen to me babble on and on about my first 50k, but it is really quite a feeling to make it across that finish line! I may even be back again next year...

Cold, tired, and finished!

Sprint Day Interview

More big checks! 

Here is an article and movie about the Birkie that gives you a much better idea about what the race was actually like: http://sports.yahoo.com/news/american-birkebeiner-racers-show-olympic-level-willpower-overcoming-course--frigid-conditions-004929691.html

Mid Season SuperTours

Nationals ends, teams are named, and everyone splits. Juniors head to World Juniors, U23s to U23 World Chapionships, College skiers back to NCAA racing, a few fast people head to Europe for World Cup and Olympic competitions, but what about all of us who don't fit in those categories? We race the SuperTour, which is the professional circuit in the U.S. for cross country skiers. It is always a challenge in the middle of the season because we only have 1 coach and we are spread across the world at all these various events meaning we are forced to organize lodging, waxing, and travel logistics on our own. Sometimes we score big and sometimes we are a total mess, but it always ends up being a great adventure. I feel lucky this year to have been taken in by so many kind people making this mid-season quite successful.

I first headed east to Craftsbury, where I am lucky to have a nice bed to sleep in, lots of friends, great food, and what turned out to be amazing skiing. It was extremely frigid, but that made for nice skiing so I can't complain too much. I spent a few weeks training before we got under way racing. It was great to have so many new trails to make training just fly by and remind myself how much I love skiing. I also got to join in on lots of college races as we had combined SuperTour and NCAA races which was fun to catch up with my old teammates and coaches.

We first attended UVM Carnival for some practice and tune up after taking a few weekends away from racing. It was during the first day of races that we learned of the passing of Torin Tucker, a Dartmouth skier, in the Craftsbury Marathon earlier that morning. While I was never a teammate with Torin, seeing my friends and former teammates hurt so badly was more than I could handle. It was devastating. It is hard to imagine someone as fit and young as any of us could suddenly pass away doing something I do every weekend. It made for a very tough weekend of racing. Winning or losing doesn't seem very important when life is at stake. I was happy to be able to participate in a memorial ski with much of the community and college skiers in honor of Torin's life. If you are interested in knowing more about the great impact Torin left on Dartmouth and the ski community, please read here: http://thedartmouth.com/2014/02/06/news/torin-tucker-15-remembered His classmates and teammates did a wonderful job expressing what a loss this was so I will leave it in their words.
http://sites.dartmouth.edu/xcwomen/2014/02/03/remembering-torin/

Tough weekend of racing at UVM. I think you can see my distractedness in this photo. Not many race thoughts flowing through my mind.

Cheering on Annie at UNH Carnival

The following weekend, we had a packed weekend with 3 days of racing in Craftsbury, which was combined with Dartmouth Carnival. I was really excited and happy to be able to take part in another Dartmouth Carnival as some of my fondest racing memories come from Dartmouth Carnival. While I was sad not to be racing at Dartmouth, Craftsbury provided a great alternative with brutal courses and great conditions. My skating seemed to be suffering a little a bit so I opened the weekend in the 5k skate with a 4th place. But I really found my stride classic skiing and had one of my better races of the season winning a 15k individual start. Feeling the fatigue from 2 previous days of racing and struggling on a grueling sprint course, I limped home in 4th place in the skate sprint on the last day.

Izzy, Me, Annie, and Erika post race at Dartmouth Carnival/Craftsbury SuperTour

Classic Racing!

Trying hard to find my skating legs

Freshman Mohawks!

Pink Hair and Captains!

Next, we flew to the midwest for the next weekend of SuperTour races in St. Paul, Minnesota. I was graciously put up my Annie Hart's family. Annie was a freshman at Dartmouth my senior year and despite only sharing one year together, we became rather close. I am very thankful for her family's generosity! We were once again greeted by frigid temps, but plenty of snow so we bundled up and did our best. While I often think of the Midwest as flat, the course we raced feature a large number of hills, making for good racing all around. The first day featured a 10k classic Mass start. We haven't done many mass starts this year so I was excited to get some head to head racing in. I felt like I was struggling quite a bit, but did a good job of focusing and drawing on some inner strength to win the race in a solid sprint finish! The next day featured a 5k skate on some incredibly slow snow. My skating felt much better than it had and I was able to move up to 2nd place, which I was much happier with.

Patrick racing in the cold. 

Podium shot

Start line 

More Podium shots

Psyched to win!

I am actually feeling better and better as time goes on so I am really hoping for a strong end of season. Next weekend, I am doing the American Birkebeiner, which will be my first 50k race ever...Stay tuned for that race tale!

Learning to Fail

First, I suppose I should apologize for the hiatus in blogs. I know this is the time of year when everyone is most excited to hear about racing and results. However, I felt I needed this time to put some thought into what skiing and racing means to me before I could write about the past month. As a result, this is a lengthy blog…

I enjoyed a lovely Christmas as home with my family and boyfriend in a mostly white Park City. I could feel the pressure of Nationals building and I was excited to see what I could do. I finally started feeling better about my race fitness and it seemed like maybe the stars would align. I started out hard in the first race remembering the feelings I had from last year’s nationals, only to fade until I finally crossed the finish line, crushed. I struggled with my skis, my body, and my mind, leaving me, well, a puddle of tears. I’m not sure I have ever felt failure hit like I did that day. I literally bawled as I drove the 30 minutes from Soldier Hollow to home. It didn’t take me long to realize that after that performance, making the Olympic team was going to take a miracle. I felt as if the whole world had come crashing down on me. I wanted to quit right there. I did not understand how I could have failed that badly in the season where it mattered the most. I generally pride myself on having a very good “race head” never letting pressure get to me and always racing rather consistently regardless of the situation, but I realized in the coming days that this was not the case. I had succumbed to the Olympic craze along with much of the country. I noticed it early in the summer with the feeling of high tension at all training camps and even training sessions. I thought I was doing a good job of avoiding it, but I think being in Europe and racing World Cups got the best of me and I became engulfed in the pressure, wanting the result so bad, but missing the process.

I am proud of myself for one thing however. Even if I lost my head for the first half of the season, I found it following that terrible race. I realized that I had taken all the fun and joy out of skiing. I was not enjoying what I was doing, I wasn’t enjoying training, I wasn’t enjoying racing, and I certainly wasn’t taking the time to enjoy time with others, I was completely consumed in getting the results I wanted. I decided, even if all hope was lost, I needed to find a way to make the rest of the week fun and if I couldn’t manage that then I probably shouldn’t be ski racing. I started just by saying hi and being friendly to all my competitors, making jokes and laughing with my teammates, soaking up some sun while gossiping with the girls. Whether it was that or just a little pressure being lifted off my back, I found joy in racing, and I found myself able to push myself harder than I had been all season. I found myself competing for a National Championship in my worst event. I finished the week with 3 podiums, one being a National Championship in the Classic Sprint and I left with hope.

I have to say, my former coach, Gordon Lange, probably would tell you he knew all of this was going to happen. In fact he told me at training before the races even started that I needed to keep it fun, clearly sensing a weakness, and after I came running into his arms in tears following that first race, he told me I had to let the good races come to me. I think I will hold this advice with the rest of my life, 2 very important things to learn.

20k Mass Start, most brutal race of the year.  (Bert Boyer Photo) 

Skate Sprint (Bert Boyer Photo)

More Sprinting (Bert Boyer Photo)

I skied most of the race alone and a lap or 2 with Chelsea Holmes, making for a grueling day. (Bert Boyer Photo)

Quarterfinal heat (fasterskier photo)

Semifinal Heat (fasterskier photo)

A Final (Fasterskier photo)

Over the top in the A Final (fasterskier photo)

Mass start Action (fasterskier photo)

Alone in the 20k (fasterskier photo)

Finally skiing with Chelsea (fasterskier photo) 

Up the massive climb (fasterskier photo)

Last time up, literally doing all I can to move. Erik is always there cheering us on through all of it. (fasterskier photo)

A Final of the skate sprint right across the line (Tom Kelly/USSA Photo)

20k Skate Mass start Podium (Tom Kelly/USSA Photo)

A Final (Tom Kelly/USSA Photo)

Skate Sprint Podium (Tom Kelly/USSA Photo)

Finish line of the A Final in the Classic sprint. I was 2nd overall, but the winner was from Russia so I was crowned National Champion and next time I will try to lunge... (Tom Kelly/ USSA Photo)

Classic Sprint Podium (Tom Kelly/USSA Photo)

Even though Nationals ended weeks ago, it wasn’t until this last week that they named the Olympic team. While I knew I had little to no chance of making it, it is hard to let go of all hope, which really made things tough. I would find myself moving on, happy and enjoying life one day and feeling really disappointed and upset with myself the next. I have to say my biggest “failure” or “regret” in anything before this, had been not winning a race at NCAAS, but seriously, how silly? I still was an 8x all American and had a wonderful 4 years racing NCAA. So in the last month I have challenged myself in learning how to fail. I think of all the people I know, the most amazing ones are those that have struggled, failed, and pushed through, making them the outstanding people they are so I can only hope that learning to fail will make me a better person in the long run.

Eventually, I did get that email informing me I was officially not on the team so I could fully accept my failure and find the next challenge in life. I am such a goal-oriented person; it is really not easy for me to say I tried to make the Olympic team and I failed. And, yes, I am being hard on myself, I failed in some ways, but in many other ways I have grown and hopefully come out better because of it and that certainly is not failure. While I was still home in Park City, I raced in a local Wasatch Citizens Series, where when I arrived, my entry fee was waived simply because I was me and just about every person I talked to thought I had basically already made the Olympic team. These are the moments when I realize it is about so much more than making the team. I have made some impact on my community if they are willing to support me in such ways and that impact matters a whole lot more. If that day, I inspired even one person to get out skiing more or train a little harder than I am satisfied and if I can continue to have an impact on people around me than I have been successful.

While almost everyone notes the travel and opportunity to see new places as a key part of the journey, regardless of whether you made the Olympic team or not, I think of the countless things skiing has taught me. I am nearly positive that every essay I wrote in high school somehow was related to skiing, not just because I loved it, but because of the relatable lessons I learned everyday at ski practice. I learned dedication, discipline, goal setting, being a teammate, leadership, how to succeed and how to fail, how to be a good sportsman, how to push myself, how my brain works, how to focus and countless other lessons. It completely changed my life and gave me opportunities I never would have had otherwise. Skiing brought me to Dartmouth, it has brought me all over the world, it has brought me new friends that I will have forever, it brought me my boyfriend, and it has brought me pure joy time and time again. Even today, I am still learning lessons from skiing. Every race I do, I learn something new about myself. I am certain I will draw on these lessons for the rest of my life. Olympics or not, those lessons, those adventures, those people can never be taken away form me.

This is not a goodbye. I am still racing! I am currently in Craftsbury, VT preparing for 2 weekends of racing in New England. Then I will head to the Midwest for a weekend of SuperTours and the Birkie. Then, it’s off to Europe again to race some Continental Cup races before finally heading back to Anchorage for the last set of US Nationals.

As I am sure many of you are wondering, I am also planning to continue racing next season as well. I have my eyes set on the World Championships and hope to capitalize from the lessons of this season to better prepare myself for next year. 

In the meantime, I am ever thankful for all the support from friends, family, and people in the ski community around Park City. No one has ever made me feel like such a rockstar.

There have been a plethora of thoughts floating around on making and not making the Olympics, just jump on the blogroll if you are interested, but my friend and former teammate Erika Flowers, wrote a particularly nice piece on her blog that I very much agree with. Read here: http://erikaflowersski.blogspot.com/2014/01/that-olympic-thing.html

Davos

Just like that, 4 weeks of racing in Europe is over...

Arriving in Switzerland was spectacular. We were greeted by oversized chocolate bars in duty free, big mountains, plentiful sunshine, and a few more hours in the daylight!

My dream come true!

Looking up valley from the wax area towards our hotel, which was up on the pass.

Looking up a different valley, this is Fluela Pass, where the race course went. 

Nice views in every direction

Looking across the race trail from the wax area towards the stadium

Soaking up that D

Davos is your quintessential Swiss town and has been the home of a World Cup for many, many years. The U.S. Ski Team has used Davos as a training base for just about as long, not only that, but they have stayed in the same hotel all those years. Heinz is the owner of the Hotel Kulm and he knows all of us by name as well as all the former U.S. Ski Team members that have stayed there over the years. He has quite the memory. It makes it feel a bit more homey and welcoming and for that, we are all thankful.

Another great part of the Davos World Cup was that they had a coaches sprint relay after our race on Saturday. We put together a team with my coach, Erik Flora, as the anchor. As the coaches and wax techs lined up to start the announcer casually mentioned the numerous Olympic medals, World Champions, and the like. Although they might not be as fit as they once were, they still had quite a bit of fight in them, making for quite the spectacle.

Lining up

Leg 1

Erik chasing down Kazakhstan 

Erik coming in to the finish behind Germany and Russia

 This was also the last World Cup we would all be together before Christmas so we had a Secret Santa party. We all drew names out of a hat and we had to find a gift for that person as well as write them a poem. The gifts had to be edible, disposable, or usable close to every day since there is always a lack of space on the road. I conveniently, had a final paper due the same night as Secret Santa. I also thought that paper was due 2 days later and didn't find out otherwise until the day before it was due. As a result, I have to admit my Secret Santa gift and poem was not the most clever or creative thing, but I got it all down and even got an A on my paper. Everyone reads the poem that is for them, opens the gift, and then guesses who it came from. I was Sadie's Secret Santa and because she knows me all too well, she wrote a variation of the song "Really Rosie" so I had to sing for everyone. If you've ever heard my voice, or lack thereof, you know not only how embarrassing this was, but also how horrible it was. Needless to say, we all had a great time!

The team with all their gifts!

Now, on to the races. Davos is at moderate altitude and has long, long, gradual climbing and also gradual descending. I thought at least the uphill would suit my strengths so I was excited for the weekend. During the race, I felt average, but could never get myself into the next gear that I needed for the World Cup. Whether it was the altitude, my lack of skills on the downhill, tired legs, or some combination of it all, I left quite disappointed and looking for more. The second day of racing brought a skate sprint. This is my worst event so I didn't have too many expectations. Everything went as smoothly as I could have asked for, I just wasn't quite quick enough to make the heats. The silver lining was that I was only 10 seconds out of the lead, which I believe is the closest I have been to winning a World Cup race. I also got to watch the heats, which turned out to be pretty exciting as the U.S. had a stellar day, with 4 girls making the heats and 3 of those girls finishing in the top 12 as well as two boys making the heats.

Here is Simi as the top of the hill

Girls Final

Me racing in the 15k Skate

 As I mentioned earlier, all the girls on the U.S. Ski Team travel with furry friends to keep us company and remind us of home. We decided to take a Christmas picture with all our friends.

Merry Christmas!!!!!!